'It should have been a dream come true. I had just been told I was a dad. But, instead, it was turning into a nightmare'

0 - 0 • Published 21 Jun 2009 00:30 0 Comments

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TODAY is Father's Day (Sunday, June 21).

It should be a day of celebration for doting dads across the country.

But, here, Border Telegraph reporter Ally McGilvray opens his heart on the moment he discovered he had a daughter and reveals why it has become a day of despair…

"EM, I'm sorry to only bring this up now but, you're a dad."

The text message, which was punctuated with a kiss, was sent to my mobile phone by my ex-girlfriend - three-and-a-half years after we last spoke.

She had denied she was pregnant before we split up after it emerged she had been in another relationship.

But a DNA test following the unexpected announcement would confirm Victoria* was mine.

The only thing more devastating than discovering I had missed three years of my daughter's life was to then be told I couldn't see her.

She lives at the opposite end of the country with her grandparents after they accused her mum - my ex, their own daughter - of neglecting her. However, it isn"t the distance that is keeping us apart.

Fathers who are not named on their child"s birth certificate have no automatic legal rights over issues like their health, welfare or education.

And that means if I wish to see my daughter I have to have the permission of a self-confessed drug user who, according to a report by social workers, left Victoria with a stranger in a women"s refuge to go out clubbing; and then, when she had her taken from her care, falsely claimed she could not attend her weekly supervised visit because she had been at the doctors and told she had cancer.

The only alternative is to go to court.

It was only recently I learned my ex only got back in contact with me a fortnight after a Sheriff awarded her parents custody of Victoria but, despite being restricted to one hour"s supervised contact with her per week, she still shares parental rights and responsibilities.

However, despite introducing me to my daughter earlier this year, they have since shut me out of her life after they discovered I had been in contact with their local social work department for advice on where I stood concerning her future.

Last month my gran died without ever meeting her great grand daughter. And now I fear I may never get that chance to get to know her.

I struggle to understand why anyone would want to prevent Victoria having a relationship with her dad. I only hope those who do are still around when she is old enough to ask the question herself...

(*Some names have been changed or omitted to protect certain identities)

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